


Breathe

by jane_x80



Series: Couples Therapy [17]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Black Lives Matter, Established Relationship, M/M, Protests
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:47:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24937051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jane_x80/pseuds/jane_x80
Summary: Leon Vance's thoughts on the Black Lives Matter protests and what he sees on the news.
Relationships: Anthony DiNozzo/Jethro Gibbs
Series: Couples Therapy [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/392827
Comments: 79
Kudos: 198





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Like many people in the world, I have been consumed by what is going on around us right now. The pandemic, the protests, etc. And once this story crept into my head, it has refused to leave until I wrote it down. So here it is.
> 
> This is entirely in Vance's POV, and I have put down the thoughts that I have had about myself and my own children, and imagined how Vance and many other black parents would feel regarding the safety of their children and their family. I may not be a black man, but I am a person of color, an immigrant to the US, and a woman, so I have my own stories of bias and prejudice that I have experienced. I don't intend to speak for the black community, these are my own opinions.
> 
> Huge thanks go out to [jesco0307](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesco0307/pseuds/jesco0307) for her support, encouragement, and beta work. I was hesitant to post this story, tbh, but with Jesco's help, I decided to go for it.   
>    
> A quotation:  
>  _First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—_  
>  _Because I was not a socialist._
> 
> _Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—_  
>  _Because I was not a trade unionist._
> 
> _Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—_  
>  _Because I was not a Jew._
> 
> _Then they came for me—and by that time there was no one left to speak for me._
> 
> \- Martin Niemöller

Leon Vance unlocked the front door to his house, slipping in and closing the door behind him with a sigh of relief. He was exhausted and he felt as if he hadn’t been able to draw a deep breath for god knows how long. He’d been up all night, standing in the MTAC, observing the final op in a series of strikes that was critical to National Security. Whatever else might be going on in the world, he still had a job to do. It didn’t negate the fact that he was feeling thoroughly drained. Being on his feet all night wasn’t the same at his age, not like it had been when he’d been a young man.

But it was more than just a physical exhaustion, though. It had been a truly challenging year, especially the past month. They were living through a global pandemic that was claiming lives all over the world, with infection and mortality rates that were truly astounding in the US, and people were out on the streets protesting for equal rights, and justice for all. His soul, his entire being was wrenched and wrung out by what had been happening, and what continued to happen, especially to black men in a country that was supposed to be the land of the free. A country that he had pledged to serve and protect, first as a Marine when he had been young, and then joining the NIS which became NCIS, where he had worked his way up to being the Director of the entire agency.

But even he had not been spared prejudice and bigotry, despite the fact that he shared the same profession as these men and women charged with upholding the law, whose implicit and explicit bias against black people made it so their first action was to draw their guns on a black man, regardless of whether they were similarly armed or not. He’d had his share of uncomfortable, and in some cases, threatening traffic stops where keeping calm under fire saved him from being shot for no reason, and his NCIS badge ended up being the only thing that saved him from being dragged to jail for some trumped up excuse. And for some of it, there hadn’t even been an attempt to veil the racism that underlined their actions.

And now that Jared was a man in his own right, Vance was deathly afraid that he would be subject to this treatment, without the protection of a badge the way Vance had. It frightened him that now that Jared was in college, able to drive himself to places, go out and party, and attempt to live his life in a world where black men were being killed by those in law enforcement, it truly frightened him that he wouldn’t be able to protect Jared from the discrimination and bigotry that he himself had had to live through. No amount of power would insulate Jared from the implicit bias based on nothing but the color of his skin. Vance had tried to prepare him for life as a black man, had done his best even though Jackie was no longer there to help him through it. He remembered Jared’s birth, how ecstatic he had been that he now had a daughter and a son, one of each, and how blessed he was. And he also remembered that almost-crushing knot of fear that gripped his heart and held on tight, because Jared was a boy, who would grow up into a black man in a country that was programmed to react negatively towards him.

So yes. Vance was exhausted by the senseless murders that had occurred and continued to occur by the hands of those in law enforcement, specifically targeting black Americans, especially black men. He walked through the foyer, hearing the TV droning on in the living room. He poked his head in, smiling at his children, Jared and Kayla. The unexpected side benefit of a global pandemic was that he had both of his children under his roof again. Jared was a sophomore at George Washington University, and had enjoyed living in the dorms there until they had been sent home due to the pandemic a couple of months ago. Kayla was in grad school at Johns Hopkins, but she had moved back home after finishing her undergrad. And given that there was a pandemic and everything was still mostly closed or limited, they had both mostly stayed at home, which made Vance think of the old days when his kids were still children, living under his roof, and made him remember Jackie with a soft ache that still hurt, but was no longer a burning brand of pain.

“Hey, Dad!” Jared’s eyes were bright. “Look who’s on TV!”

Vance walked into the room and frowned when he saw the screen. The kids were watching ZNN, showing live footage of the throngs of protestors at the recently renamed Black Lives Matter Plaza, peacefully marching and demanding change. The reporter was interviewing a familiar figure, her black pigtails and goth outfit absolutely recognizable despite the fact that she had a black mask on with the words Black Lives Matter covering her face below her eyes.

Vance couldn’t help but smile when he saw that a gaggle of similarly masked nuns were standing with her. Abby was earnest and convincing when she answered the reporter’s questions, speaking up against the crimes that law enforcement officers were perpetrating upon citizens of this country, naming a number of the victims: George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, Eric Garner, Trayvon Martin. The list went on and on. Their names spoken aloud, again and again, so they wouldn’t be forgotten and hidden away, brushed under the carpet.

Vance sighed. So many names. And these were only the ones that they knew about, the ones that were witnessed. How many untold others were there, black people murdered for no reason by those who were supposed to serve and protect them?

He wasn’t surprised to see Abby out there, though. She had always been an activist, supporting a variety of noble causes. How many Sundays had he found himself building houses for Habitat for Humanity with her and others from NCIS? She was not a person one could say no to when she came by asking for their help and support. That was one of the wonderful things about her, that she somehow managed to stay open and welcoming, despite the darkness and sometimes even evil that touched her through their casework. Despite the fact that her job was the science explaining the method many violent crimes had been executed, she was still one of the most optimistic people Vance had ever known.

The camera panned the crowd and Vance saw other familiar masked faces standing strong and proud with the people of this country, demanding real change. There was Bishop, her blonde hair drawing his eyes like a beacon, gleaming brightly in the sun. A Black Lives Matter face mask was affixed securely to her face. She looked tiny next to the tall figure that Vance immediately recognized, even though they were all masked. The Senior Field Agent of his famed MCRT was striking, standing tall in a Black Lives Matter black t-shirt and what was no doubt expensive designer jeans. His face mask had the rainbow flag design on it. And next to him, their hands clasped tightly in a way that was unmistakably not that of platonic friends, was Gibbs who was also wearing a Black Lives Matter t-shirt. His face mask was one of the nondescript N-95s that they had been given a supply of, and Vance noticed a nondescript rainbow flag pin on his t-shirt. On his head was, prominently and no doubt purposely, an NCIS ballcap.

Even through the TV, Vance could see how Gibbs’ blue eyes were, cold and focused, almost daring anyone to question his place there, holding hands with his husband, both of them out there marching for change, and given that it was Pride Month, both of them proudly flying the rainbow flag. Vance knew that Gibbs was making a statement, wearing his NCIS ballcap like that. Gibbs was probably hoping that the SecNav, appointed in the current administration would complain, not wanting NCIS to ‘take sides’ or some such nonsense. Vance couldn’t help but grin at that. He spotted McGee on Gibbs’ other side, and a number of others from NCIS, all of them wearing Black Lives Matter paraphernalia, carrying signs, marching and chanting.

It took Vance aback, seeing so many from his own agency grouped together, voicing their solidarity with the cause, peacefully exercising their first amendment rights. It always surprised him how those out there truly represented the many different ethnicities that made up the country. It was a display of _e pluribus unum_ made flesh.

“We’re going to go join them,” Kayla announced, holding up a couple of Black Lives Matter mask, Jared nodding with her.

Vance smiled at his kids, filled with overwhelming pride for them, and knowing how proud of them Jackie would have been. “What are we waiting for, then?” he asked.

Both Kayla and Jared hugged him, and Kayla handed him one of the Black Lives Matter face masks. As they walked out the door, Vance snagged his own NCIS ballcap from the hook by the front door.

If the SecNav was going to call to chew him out, he thought he may as well give them a more concrete reason for it.

And for the first time in a long time, he felt himself finally breathing easily. Change was coming. Change was already happening in police forces all over the country, because for once, people of all colors, here and in other places in the world had come together and continued to come together to work for a better world. A just world, where maybe he wouldn’t have to worry about Jared driving alone and a traffic stop ‘going wrong’.

Change was in the air, in the words chanted by the throngs of peaceful protestors. Vance wanted to believe it, _had_ to believe in it. He would continue to serve his country and honor his oaths, and hopefully, the country would do the same to him and others of his skin color, and honor his service as a military vet and a law enforcement officer, and honor his rights as a human being and a citizen.

**Author's Note:**

> I put this in the Couples Therapy 'verse because I wrote [Distraction (or The Smuttification of Agitprop)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12890520) and I thought it would work well here. It is also Pride Month, and I can't ignore that either, so we have a little of that represented here as well. This is pretty much me trying to make sense of what we saw in Minneapolis and in other cities in this country. I can't comprehend how we have looked away from this ugliness for so long. We're seeing it now, on video. I hope that this will bring about more change to how things are.
> 
> The songs that I listened to were:  
> * [I Can't Breathe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSXzkYq5Qnk) (Deitrick Haddon)  
> * [I Can't Breathe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRZWiqBHYaY) (H.E.R.)
> 
> I was also struck by this clip that would have been absurd had it not been so evil: [Tucker Carlson Attacks Elmo for Anti-Racist Special](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLzwes9XfEQ) (Now This News).
> 
> Stay safe and healthy, y'alls.  
> <3  
> -j  
> xoxoxo


End file.
